Vulnerable

Sorry

This morning, while drying myself after my shower, I managed to pull a muscle in my back. It was painful and limiting my movements, so after dropping Annie to school, I nipped into Tom’s to ask him to knead it out a bit. It worked, and my back felt much better afterwards. Really what I…

Be

I spent the afternoon with Phil today. It was perfect. Every time we’re together, it feels so good. Being with Phil is the only time I feel grounded; the rest of the time, I feel slightly out of control and very empty. Despite that, I still can’t say that I won’t end things with him…

Deep

When I have a counselling session that goes quite deep, it can leave me feeling a little bit like I’m in shock for a day or two afterwards. It leaves me drained and exhausted.

Issue

Unsuitable

Dreaming Abi is getting married again. The wedding is at 1.30 pm. The car to take us to the wedding is coming at 1.10, 1.15 or 1.20 pm. I am telling Josh and Amelia to get ready and have a shower when I realise I have nothing to wear. I decide to go into town quickly and get something. I go to get in my car. I am on the drive to the house at Church Lane. I am going to drive Dad/Tom’s car….

Odd

Dreaming Julie is staying at my house because no one else wants her anymore. She is upstairs and has taken a hose from the bathroom, turned it on and soaked one of the bedroom carpets. There is water everywhere. I am so angry, and I don’t want her anymore now either. All of my family are sitting in a big circle. Tom, Izzy, my nieces and nephews, my children, everyone. Josh is feeling a bit scared and vulnerable; he is naked. He wants to sit on my lap. I think it’s a bit odd, but…

Tangled

A few weeks ago, when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch with my old psychotherapist, whom I first started seeing when I needed the support to be able to leave Tom. I’ve had a few sessions with him recently, but after today’s session, I realised something….

Exposed

It’s been twenty-five days since I left Tom and tried to get on with my life, clawing my way back up from the pit that I’ve found myself in over the last few years. On the whole, the last twenty-five days have been blissful. No arguing, stress, mess, or criticism. No abuse. Nothing but me…

Value

I’m not sure if it’s five or six weeks of seeing the psychotherapist, but I do know that I am feeling stronger each week, despite my near disaster three days ago. In turn, Tom seems weaker. His moods are awful lately; he senses the change within me, and it must threaten him. After all, he…

Fraud

I have just attended a group for domestic abuse, and it was awful. I went along as I’ve wondered for a long time if Tom might be abusive, but I also wonder if I have mental health issues that make me paranoid and think that he’s abusive. I was hoping that by going along to…