Blame

Correct

Phil rang me tonight to talk about my birthday present. I asked him not to give me anything, but he insisted. I really don’t want anything from him, but it would seem he’s already gone out and bought something. We’re not even together. He started talking as though we were together and about how he…

Healing

When Tom came over to see the kids tonight, we got talking, just the two of us. We were talking about nothing much, but it somehow led to a discussion about saying sorry for things you’ve done and how it’s a sign of emotional maturity. I went on to say that sometimes we need to…

Sorry

This morning, while drying myself after my shower, I managed to pull a muscle in my back. It was painful and limiting my movements, so after dropping Annie to school, I nipped into Tom’s to ask him to knead it out a bit. It worked, and my back felt much better afterwards. Really what I…

Tangled

A few weeks ago, when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch with my old psychotherapist, whom I first started seeing when I needed the support to be able to leave Tom. I’ve had a few sessions with him recently, but after today’s session, I realised something….

Still

Tom and I rarely have sex anymore, but last night we did for the first time in a very, very long time. It wasn’t what I wanted it to be at all, though. It didn’t connect us; in fact, when we’d finished, he said just about the cruellest thing anyone has ever said to me….

Charm

Tom and I disagreed a few days ago; it was over in minutes, and as far as I was concerned, that was that, but that night he got up from the sofa and went up to bed without saying a word to me, something that hasn’t happened for months. I was really upset about that,…

Because

Tom told me today that he’s in debt and it’s all because of me. He said I pushed him into buying a house and moving in together, even though it was actually all his idea. He said that I use him and all I’m interested in is his money and sex, which I find really…

Holiday

We’ve just returned from a visit to Tom’s family, and I hated every minute of it.

Weapon

Dreaming I am in Linton town centre and hear that Julie is dead; she has been stabbed with a knife and died. I have to tell the girls; Rosie is unfazed, but Amelia is quite upset by it. At home, I notice the rubbish – which looks quite like my camping gear and red holdall…

Lunch

Tom took us all out for lunch today. While we were there – for no reason that I could find – he started ranting about people in this country all being stupid, especially me, and that his country and everyone who lives there is much better in every way. I asked if it was so…

Always

My Dad rang this morning to tell me that my aunt has died unexpectedly. I got off the phone and, through tears, told Tom what had happened, but I had interrupted him while he was listening to records. He started shouting at me for annoying him, and said it’s always my fault that he’s annoyed….

Cycle

It started again this morning – the name-calling and being nasty to me. This time I snapped. I told him that I couldn’t take much more of it, that I’ve told him before that I hate it, and I asked him why – if he loves me – does he continue to do something that…

Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those days that I’d just like to be able to forget ever happened, yet I know it’s going to be one of those days that stays etched in my memory forever.

Names

As Annie had a feed and fell asleep in my arms, I was looking at her and thinking about how one day she could be looking down at her children, and it made me quite melancholy. I told Tom what I’d been thinking, and he said that we won’t be around to see grandchildren. I…