Ours

I’ve spent the last week or so looking at houses, but it’s not been the easiest job.

Involved

It was our first Christmas in our new home yesterday. Tom came to stay on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas with the children. He’s still here.  At least when he’s here, I know he’s safe. I never spoke to him about us getting back together, but I have made sure he’s been much more involved…

Overnight

I had a few friends over tonight to celebrate my new beginning with me. It’s the first time that I’ve had friends at my home in four years because I never felt as though I could with Tom. He always made it really clear that the house was his, and permission had to be sought…

When?

When will it come back? That elusive part of the self that goes missing when you go through really tough years. I can’t even recall the last time I laughed. I’m glad that I’ve moved away from Tom, and I’m beginning to love my new home, but I can’t help but question how long it’s…

After

I’m lying on the floor of an unfamiliar bedroom in a strange house. Despite the absence of the discarded plastic from the new mattress beneath me, the odour still manages to permeate my senses. The cushioning lacks the warmth of contours that can only come from two bodies entwined; it barely softens the harshness of…

Contract

I have signed the contract and picked up the keys to our new home; a house that just me and the children will live in. I’m leaving behind a man I love to the depths of me; a man that I thought would be in my life forever. I’m devastated, but I know it’s the…

Six

In six days, I get the keys to our new home. I wish I could say I’m excited, but I don’t really feel anything. This house – or at least the things that are mine – is still nowhere near packed. I’ve done most of the bedroom, half of the older girls’ stuff, the utility…