My weekend away was a mixed bag of laughter and insecurity. It was great to spend time with friends – we laughed non-stop the whole weekend, we partied until the sun came up, we shopped, and we chatted, but one of the women, who I only really knew online, reminded me so much of Tom. It was surreal how alike they are, and I felt quite intimidated by her.

On Saturday night we went to a club. Before I met Tom, when my self-confidence was high, I used to love going to pubs and clubs, but this was different. I felt ugly, awkward and out of place.

When one of my friends pulled a man aside and asked him to kiss me (for reasons I can no longer remember), he looked me up and down, pulled a face and said, “No thanks”, then walked away. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Years ago, if that had happened, I would have laughed and thought nothing of it. Now it’s everything.

I can feel myself crashing again from yet another rejection.

What is wrong with me? Maybe he was right. Maybe I am ugly.