I took Jasper for a walk this morning. On the way, I decided to see if Tom wanted to go with us. He’s grown really fond of Jasper recently and loves taking him for walks, but I suppose that’s an excuse. The truth is I really wanted to spend time with Tom. He agreed, and we went to the forest for a quick walk, except we got lost and it ended up being a ninety-minute walk.

Halfway in, and totally lost in the overgrowth, Tom put his hand on my shoulder and asked why I’d been friendlier towards him lately. I didn’t really know what to say, and then he asked if I was still with Phil. I told him no. We had a long talk about Phil and why we ended. We talked a little about our relationship and how it went so wrong, and I think it was one of the best chats we’ve ever had because we were both calm, neither blaming. Both of us have grown and changed over the last three years.

Once we found our way back to the car, Tom suggested going for lunch. We went to a pub. It was very relaxed and natural and was one of the nicest afternoons I’d had in a long time. I realised, though, that Tom may not actually have any feelings towards me other than as an ex and as the mum of Annie. He’s very friendly and affectionate with previous exes, so maybe he was just doing the same with me as he does with them.

After lunch we dropped Jasper home and went to the school together to get Annie, and then on to the supermarket for dinner. While there, Annie kept putting her arms around both of us, and twice Tom commented about how she’s happiest when we’re both there together. I did kind of take this as him dropping a hint, but in all honesty I can never read him. He’s never really forthcoming with stuff like this; either because he’s not interested in rekindling what we once had or because he’s scared of getting hurt or rejected again. I don’t know. I do know, though, that I had one of the nicest days that I’ve had in a very long time. I love spending time with Tom.

Tonight he’s not here and not texting me, which is totally normal, but tonight I’m really missing him.