Cruelty

Okay

I’ve spent the last couple of days ill with a bad cold. I got virtually no sleep on Friday night as I kept waking every twenty minutes to sneeze or because of a headache or sore throat. I looked and felt like crap all day yesterday. Tom knew I was ill yet didn’t offer to…

Cruel

His barbed words woke me constantly throughout the night to remind me of the past that just yesterday was my present. The past that I now know isn’t going to go away just because I’ve fled its shackles. The stars in the night sky sealed my heart as much as they sealed my fate. Soaking…

Denial

Tom seems to be in complete denial that our relationship is coming to an end, which doesn’t make a great deal of sense to me, given that he’s shown me almost nothing but hatred for so long. Yesterday, he invited Abi and her family around for a barbecue. He got the paddling pool out for…

Oppression

Dreaming I am in the dining area of the kitchen of the house at Church Lane. Dad is sitting at the dining table, and Mum is in the kitchen area. The room is unbearably hot, with steam swarming around the room making it difficult to see clearly. I can see enough to see that the house hasn’t changed at all over the last twenty years. Unable to stand the heat any longer, I open the window, releasing a torrent of steam. I watch relief wash over Mum, and then…

Fear

I really can’t take any more of this and will be doing everything in my power to get out in the next few months. I really hope and pray that I have the strength to do so. I’ve put up with his shit for long enough. I am so sick of the mental cruelty. Yet…

Still

Tom and I rarely have sex anymore, but last night we did for the first time in a very, very long time. It wasn’t what I wanted it to be at all, though. It didn’t connect us; in fact, when we’d finished, he said just about the cruellest thing anyone has ever said to me….

Holiday

We’ve just returned from a visit to Tom’s family, and I hated every minute of it.