Missing

Balanced

2013 was one of my most challenging years to date, with Rosie’s operation, her extended and very worrying time in intensive care and her month-long recovery, followed soon after by Amelia being diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and spending what seemed like half the year sleeping. That has put added pressure on her at school in…

Song

Phil came around last night; he wanted to talk. I realised that it’s time to let go of the bullshit of loving with my heart and to start loving with my head. I told Phil that I’m worried because our relationship, at least for me, lacked that spark. It’s not that I didn’t love him;…

Alone

Last week, a friend posted on Facebook directly after I posted about having a takeaway. It really offended and upset me. I’ve tried to rise above it and ignore it, but today I figured that if it’s still bothering me after five days, I should say something. I remembered one of the Five Regrets of…

Presence

Dreaming I am a pupil at school. Even though I am an adult, I am hoping that I won’t feel overwhelmed like I did when I was at school as a child. I am outside; it is break time. There is a male teacher with grey hair whom I feel a great attraction to. It’s not sexual; it is a deep spiritual love, although my need to physically be with him is vast. I am at his side constantly, there to help him if he wants it….

When?

When will it come back? That elusive part of the self that goes missing when you go through really tough years. I can’t even recall the last time I laughed. I’m glad that I’ve moved away from Tom, and I’m beginning to love my new home, but I can’t help but question how long it’s…

Sanctuary

I have no place in this house that I can retreat to for some peace and quiet, some ‘me’ time. I used to meditate, but I can’t anymore as there is nowhere for me, but I really miss it. Nor do I have anywhere to read without interruption. I was thinking that I should try…

Overheard

Yesterday, I took the girls out for the afternoon on their bikes. Amelia can ride confidently, but Rosie is still unsure and needs lots of encouragement. Tom refused to come with us or look after Annie as he was tired and wanted a nap before going to the pub in the evening. Today, we met…