2013 was one of my most challenging years to date, with Rosie’s operation, her extended and very worrying time in intensive care and her month-long recovery, followed soon after by Amelia being diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and spending what seemed like half the year sleeping. That has put added pressure on her at school in her final year and made her struggle emotionally as well as physically. As a mum, that was very hard to watch. A relationship came to an end. Even though I know it was right for Phil and I to end, there are so many things about him that I miss.

I struggled with life’s challenges for a few months and felt like I was going to go under. I really struggled with being a single parent. I had a lot of problems with Greg, which resulted in us no longer speaking, which isn’t good for any of us, really. I totally lost who I was for a while. I didn’t spend enough time with my sisters because our lives are so busy. I saw some of the people in my life for what they really are, not just what I want them to be, and that was really hard. We struggled with money worries, sometimes to the point of not knowing how we would manage to find the money to eat. I had a health scare which really made me sit up and take a long, hard look at my life. It wasn’t a nice picture staring back at me.

Someone broke into our garden and stole Josh’s bike. I had to make some really tough parenting choices on my own and pray that they were the right ones. I didn’t spend enough time with Josh. I really struggled with the realisation that the children were growing up and would be leaving home within the next few years. I had to watch Josh really struggle in a job where they didn’t value him in any way, yet I couldn’t do anything to help. I supported Mum during a challenging time, which raised difficult questions in my own life. I struggled with loneliness, but I also struggled to let people in. I saw a change in relationships that were once close, which was hard. I went to several job interviews but never got beyond that stage. I lost relatives and watched my family’s grief unfold, which was, in some ways, harder than the losses.

But we also welcomed a new member to our family – Jasper. I had lots of fun and laughter with the children, spent more time with nieces and nephews than in previous years, spent a lot more time with friends- eating, drinking, laughing – but mostly making some lovely memories. We pulled together as a family through the very challenging times, and my kids showed me their true worth when I needed them most. I turned forty and celebrated with some of my most favourite people in the world. We saw friendships end, but new ones begin. I created philosophical Sundays and loved every minute of them. I gave to charity and to people in need, and I received even more back in return. I took thousands of photos, I wrote a million or more words, and I finally learnt to really write from the heart. I began carving out for myself my perfect career. I had some great dates. I laughed till I cried at the kids’ silliness. I decided to give everything I had to give, and I received in return more than words can say. I had a lot of realisations, some good, some not so good. I began to learn to accept and love myself as I am. I had a couple of relaxing, peaceful weekends away which recharged my batteries. I had the best night out ever with a friend.

We had summer evenings on the beach and winter days curled up warm on the sofa. I found the best friend anyone could ever ask for in Phil. I made some wonderful discoveries whilst doing my family tree and met up with a distant relative from Australia. I spent some really lovely, quality time with my Mum and with my Dad. We had the first full family get-together in four years. Amelia got accepted into the college she really wants to go to. I made amends with people that I needed to and rebuilt relationships.

I found a confidence in myself I’d never known before.

Ultimately, life balanced out in 2013, the same as it will in 2014. There will be ups, and there will be downs. There will be challenges, love, laughter, happiness and sadness.

Mostly in 2013, I embraced all that life threw my way, and I’m ready to do the same in 2014.