I always knew that this was going to be a really difficult week or two, but I underestimated just how hard it would be. The list of jobs I still have to get through is vast, and still growing. Today, all I managed to do was the food shopping and buy the bits I need…
Tag: Sobbing
Deluge
For far too long I’ve felt like surrendering to my pain and allowing myself to drop deeper into the black hole that has become my life for the last eleven months. Instead, I went to see the doctor two weeks ago. She said I was depressed, that the last few years have caught up with me and…
Shatter
My heart feels as though it’s about to shatter with the pain of losing Maxine. I turned to Tom during my darkest hour, but he isn’t even attempting to understand my grief or what I’m going through. It’s all about him and his needs; all he cares about is himself. He didn’t even offer me…
After
I’m lying on the floor of an unfamiliar bedroom in a strange house. Despite the absence of the discarded plastic from the new mattress beneath me, the odour still manages to permeate my senses. The cushioning lacks the warmth of contours that can only come from two bodies entwined; it barely softens the harshness of…
Must
Dreaming I am driving on the motorway between Linton and Elmsford. Right in front of me, I see a plane low in the sky, do a somersault and then crash onto the road on its roof. I gasp, feel shocked and panicked. I brake and pull over, not wanting to go into the back of it. Other cars are hurtling towards it. I get out of my car and walk towards the plane. Suddenly it ignites and part of it blows up. I realise that Olivia’s daughter is on the plane. I feel really scared and upset and pray she’s still alive. I feel that I…
Celebration
Dreaming I am in a public area when my phone rings really loudly in a tone that I don’t recognise; I quiet the phone. I am sitting on a pew in an outside church. I am on the left side with Belinda and Janet on my right. There are two rows of people in front…