It’s been another weekend of ups and downs.

Yesterday, I woke feeling really strong and positive. I decided I wasn’t taking his crap any longer and never again would I ask him for money. When I needed to go and get some shopping, I just said, “Where’s the bank card? I’m going to get food.” It didn’t quite go to plan, as he had over £200 in his pocket and asked me how much I wanted. I said I have a load of shopping to get and to give me whatever. He gave me £180; I spent £50 but didn’t give the change back straight away, as I normally do. He eventually asked if I’d spent it all. When I said no, he said I had to give him the rest of it back.

We haven’t spoken properly for days, and today my strength has faded. I’m having niggly doubts that maybe he’s right. Maybe I am over-reacting to everything he says. What if he’s not that bad and it’s all in my head?

What has he done to me?

I confided in Susie, and she said that I am half the person I used to be before meeting him, that I have no confidence anymore, and that I’m like a different person.

What I have decided is that I will try my hardest to remain strong, and never ask him for money again. I will have a go back at him every time he insults me. I will tell him it stops, or I’m done with it all.

I think it’s going to get worse rather than better, but at least then I’ll have my questions answered.

He’s really fucked up my mind, and I don’t know what the truth is anymore.

Could this actually be me with the problem and not him?