I spent some time chatting to the builder Dave, who did some work on the house when we moved in. We’ve become friendly over the months. Today, he was filling me in on his confusing love life. He’s ended things with his girlfriend as she lived too far away, and he was doing all the travelling. However, due to feeling lonely and craving female company, he moved his ex back in as a lodger, but it’s now got confusing as they’re sharing a bed, but he wants his single life back.

Oh, how he’s mirroring my life.

Dave made me realise that I do exactly the same. I make impulsive decisions and get into relationships based on my need for company or sex. The fact is, I don’t even want a relationship. I love my life more or less as it is. I love living with the kids, with no man involved. I always feel happier and more able to be myself when I don’t have a man in the picture full-time. I love my independence and love being able to make decisions without having to consider anyone else, other than the children, of course.

That’s not selfish; that’s my free spirit, which has always been a huge part of me, but has been dampened down by clingy, stifling relationships for most of my life.

In another world, I’d come to an agreement with Dave to share company and have sex whenever it suited us both with no other ties, but I don’t actually want to have that kind of thing with him. He doesn’t mentally stimulate me at all. He’s not intelligent enough for me, and doesn’t get my sense of humour. He has a great body, but if I’m going to spend time with someone, I want to be able to have interesting conversations, too.

It has clarified the fact that sex and company are important to me, and is a need that I’m not meeting at the moment.