Dreaming

I am standing in a room; Phil is there; he is still overweight, maybe even more so. Phil is sitting down; I am standing. I become aware of my breasts and feel a lump in the nipple area of each breast. The lumps are small boils. I start to squeeze the left one, and a bit of pus comes out. Phil gives me a tissue, and I squeeze some more. Loads of pus comes out. Phil is a bit sickened by it and says that when he had one, there was loads of blood too. The tissue I have is covered in pus and blood. Phil gives me another tissue. I squeeze more blood out and then move on to my right breast, which doesn’t make as much mess.

Phil gets out of the chair, goes down on bended knee and proposes to me. I realise this is a real proposal, a serious one; I sense there are now people around us, so I say yes. I then think back to how I felt when I walked into the room and saw him; I realise that I had no feelings for him and not the slightest bit of attraction.

Phil and I walk into a room where my cousins – Jim’s kids – are all sat. I see Erin sitting at a table and Jill standing up behind a bar-type area; there are other people there, but it’s not apparent who they are. Phil announces to the room that we’re going to get married and then announces it will be today. I suddenly realise that I can’t get out of it now. People are congratulating us, but then Phil declares it will be in three weeks instead; I know I still can’t get out of it. I feel panicky about how this will impact mine and the kids’ lives, especially Annie, who knows nothing about Phil. I then realise that Phil has proposed to me and is marrying me so quickly because he knows it’s the only way to keep hold of me; he knows I will go again if we’re not married. I feel trapped.