Panic

Hurricane

I’m agitated and in the midst of a hurricane of panic. I’m back in touch with my old faithful friends: grief, loneliness and emptiness. I have so many thoughts swirling around in the depths of my mind, making their way out to become my reality. The children and I went out for lunch today. To…

Butterflies

Tomorrow, we’re going to the Puu Isles for five days. Tom wanted Annie to visit family, but she wouldn’t go without me, so we’re all going. Despite not really wanting to go until now, I now can’t wait. I just want to get away from here, and to get away from my own mind. I’m…

Darkness

I’m really restless and stressed this morning. There is a workman here replacing the broken gate and that makes me uptight. I know as soon as he leaves I’ll be able to relax again. I woke at 6.30 am because I was stressed about him arriving, even though he wasn’t coming until gone 9 am….

Trapped

Dreaming I am standing in a room; Phil is there; he is still overweight, maybe even more so. Phil is sitting down; I am standing. I become aware of my breasts and feel a lump in the nipple area of each breast. The lumps are small boils. I start to squeeze the left one, and…

Halloween

It’s Halloween… to mark the occasion, I started the day off facing some of my worst fears.

Wires

I am slowly destroying Phil. I don’t mean to; I really don’t want to, but I don’t seem to be able to help it. Last weekend, he slept around, and it completely freaked me out. I couldn’t wait for him to go, not because of anything he did, but because it just felt very uncomfortable…

Losing

Dreaming Tom has a large spider on his hand; he is putting it near my face. I scream, “Don’t show me, don’t show me.” Responding I woke in a panic. Breathless and absolutely petrified, I retreated under my quilt to try to hide from the dream. Spiders represent my biggest fear, so to me, this…

Away

I’m really struggling to comprehend why this has happened now, but for the last eight days, I’ve really been struggling. I’ve been having mild panic attacks every time I go out. I’ve found myself standing in supermarkets, suddenly shaking and breathless, with an overwhelming feeling of panic and the need to get out of there…

Meals

I slept really badly – my mind was nagging at me throughout the night. It all seemed to stem from the most innocent of conversations with Phil about the meals he eats; microwave meals most of the time, as he sees no point in cooking just for himself and is too tired to prepare and…

Held

I met up with Phil last night, totally spontaneously. I was at home and child-free. I was drinking wine when I decided to get a taxi and go see him.

Needy

At my counselling session today, I told Jane that I think I’m too needy. Jane asked me to tell her what being needy means for me. Needy means I am lacking in love. I need and like a lot of physical affection. I love being hugged and kissed. I love having sex; I love the…

Link

At my counselling session today, we discussed something that’s become a bit of a problem recently – my use of the internet. My eyes open, I go downstairs, and almost every day I turn on my laptop before I do anything else. Some mornings we’re late for school because I’ve spent time on there. Often…

Lounge

Dreaming I am at what looks like an airport lounge, but for a ferry, to go to the Puu Isles. I’m not going to Vama or Cahat but somewhere in between. I am in the queue with my passport. There are two young girls in front, but they slow down and then stop, so I pass them and take my turn. I have to fill out a couple of forms and show my passport. Josh then comes up and does his,…

Anxious

This year has been challenging so far, to say the least. The year began with depression swallowing me whole. I can’t recall how I got through the first few months, but somehow things are starting to look a little brighter, so much so that tomorrow I am booked to get on a plane to spend the…

Consumed

I don’t quite know what’s wrong, but whatever it is, it seems to be getting worse. It’s been building for months. I feel totally overwhelmed with everything, to the point that I’m feeling panicky, breathless and lightheaded. Yesterday, I took Annie out on her bike. I was so aware of it being just me and…

Must

Dreaming I am driving on the motorway between Linton and Elmsford. Right in front of me, I see a plane low in the sky, do a somersault and then crash onto the road on its roof. I gasp, feel shocked and panicked. I brake and pull over, not wanting to go into the back of it. Other cars are hurtling towards it. I get out of my car and walk towards the plane. Suddenly it ignites and part of it blows up. I realise that Olivia’s daughter is on the plane. I feel really scared and upset and pray she’s still alive. I feel that I…

Except

I went to see my old friend Sarah today. We have been friends for twenty years, and while we don’t see each other very often anymore because of work and family commitments, when we do, we’re always as close as we ever were, and manage to slip back into comfortable conversation and laughter. Except for…

Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those days that I’d just like to be able to forget ever happened, yet I know it’s going to be one of those days that stays etched in my memory forever.

Guard

Dreaming It is a Saturday morning, and I am driving to Elmsford. Greg, Amelia and Rosie are with me. The car doesn’t feel like it is working properly; it is bumpy, but I ignore it. I am driving fast, and I find myself falling out of the window. I struggle to get back in and…

Crushed

Dreaming I am with Tom, Josh, Amelia and Rosie going to collect my car from the garage; it has been having some work done on it. I notice the car has a big dent on one side that wasn’t there before. Tom opens the door and pops the dent out. I feel angry and shout…

Water

Dreaming I am driving my car with Tom in the passenger seat; he is sleeping. We are on Colt Way, before the roundabout, heading home. Up ahead and to the left is a controlled volcano; it is erupting, and loads of big rocks, slates, and rubble are falling down. I have to drive my car…

Tag: Panic