Dreaming I am in a house that is mine, but unrecognisable to me. I raise my right hand above an object (I think it was a purse) and can feel energy in my hand. I lift it, and the object rises too. I realise that the awakening has made this happen, that I now have…
Tag: Child-free Time
Weakening
Phil messaged me for the first time since he ended things. I can’t help thinking he did it because he knows it’s my child-free weekend coming up and he’s hoping I’ll weaken. He sent me a picture and words he found which he thought I’d like; we both know it was an excuse. I’ve been…
Halloween
It’s Halloween… to mark the occasion, I started the day off facing some of my worst fears.
Plodding
I feel like I’m in limbo; maybe I’ve felt that way for the last few years. When I think back over my diary entries, all I see is a mundane life, and that saddens me a little. I have no tales of wild adventures, travelling, or meeting new and interesting people. My life consists of…
Pressure
I’ve not been feeling good lately. I’m exhausted all of the time. I feel drained of all energy, yet I really struggle to sleep at night. Last night Amelia asked me if I could phone the dentist for her today. My internal reaction to her request was really negative. I felt as though it was…
Movement
The last few weeks have been a very stressful time. So much change has happened, inwardly and outwardly, and I feel unsettled and stressed. I’ve had a constant feeling of anxiety – the sick feeling, the constant feeling of being on edge. Too much happened at once.
Self
I don’t want a relationship. I’ve only been single for nineteen months. Since I was fourteen, I’ve only been single for two years and two months in total. That’s twenty-two years I’ve spent in relationships and only just over two years that I haven’t. I am just not ready to give up on my dream…
Held
I met up with Phil last night, totally spontaneously. I was at home and child-free. I was drinking wine when I decided to get a taxi and go see him.
Attraction
Eleven months have passed since I moved into this house and away from Tom. I don’t even want to think about where I was, emotionally, this time last year. Certainly not where I am now – enjoying the peace of a childfree, sunny and warm Sunday afternoon, feeling relaxed and content. It got me thinking…
Attachments
It’s so strange how things creep up and take me by surprise when I least expect them. Annie is staying over at Tom’s tonight for the first time. It’s also the first time she’s ever slept away from me; we’ve shared our lives almost 100% for the last four years, and shared our bed for…