Tom used to stay downstairs watching TV until midnight, but these days, if he’s not at the pub, he goes up to bed by nine o’clock to watch it there. I can’t bring myself to get into bed that early – Josh doesn’t go to sleep until at least 10 pm, and if I went up before then, I’d have no child-free time at all. On top of that, I can’t relax when the TV is blaring in the bedroom.

Sometimes I feel like the TV has killed our relationship. He comes in from work, watches TV, scrolls on the laptop, does his own thing, plays a bit with Annie, then heads to bed. It feels like there’s never any time for us. I wouldn’t mind if he were actually sleeping up there, but instead, he watches until 11 pm every night. Our sex life is non-existent, and I’m tired of it. It’s even got to the point where, if I want an early night, he complains because it means he can’t watch TV in bed.

Normally, I just let it go. But tonight really got to me. I’ve been opening up to him for days about how I feel – how much I want our relationship to work, how I’d love for us to be intimate again – and every time he says he’s too tired or not in the mood. Last night, half asleep, he fumbled with me, which only made things worse. I told him this morning what it had meant for me and what I hoped we could do tonight. But at 8.30 pm, he announced he was going to bed. I said I’d be up soon. I could hear the TV through the baby monitor, but when I walked in the bedroom just a minute later, it was off, and he was asleep, or at least pretending to be.

And to make matters worse, instead of putting Annie in her cot, he laid her on my side of the bed, leaving me nowhere to sleep. I felt completely pushed out, rejected – like there was no space for me at all.

I wish he could understand how important it is for us to spend time together as a couple, not just as mummy and daddy. We have been getting along better lately, enough that we decided to give us one more chance instead of separating. But I can’t understand how I can want closeness so badly, and he seems to want the complete opposite.

The only explanation I can find is that I’m just not attractive to him anymore. He’s always reminding me that I’m “starting to look like my sisters” and then adds that he thinks they’re fat and ugly. He must find me repulsive.