Confusion

Tunnel

Dreaming I am in a Big Brother-style house; away from the main house is a separate part that two people have been put into. I am standing outside the part. It is time for the two people in there to come out. The way out is through a very narrow tunnel in the wall, which…

Burst

Dreaming I am a spectator in the audience at an arena. Bob Castle is on stage in a white, soft, fluffy dressing gown with his clothes on underneath. Tom is next to me. Some of the audience – those closest to Bob – are also wearing white dressing gowns. There is a woman in front,…

Needy

At my counselling session today, I told Jane that I think I’m too needy. Jane asked me to tell her what being needy means for me. Needy means I am lacking in love. I need and like a lot of physical affection. I love being hugged and kissed. I love having sex; I love the…

Slipping

Tom and I have been trying to make another go of it, but I don’t think it will work. I can’t help noticing that the more time we spend together, the more comfortable he becomes and the more it feels as though he’s slipping back to his old ways. I know I could be wrong;…

Tangled

A few weeks ago, when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch with my old psychotherapist, whom I first started seeing when I needed the support to be able to leave Tom. I’ve had a few sessions with him recently, but after today’s session, I realised something….

Choice

Dreaming I am looking through a pile of catalogues, feeling excited by the choices and the chance to buy what I want now that I can. One of the catalogues is unusual in that it is a book of crossdressers with big hands. Tom is with me as I am looking through them. Responding I’m guessing this is about my identity. About how my new life, when I leave Tom, will give me a chance to…

Snap

It’s been such a long time since Tom and I had a good day together; all we’ve done for months is argue. My resentment towards him builds more and more each day, but the other day he really surprised and confused me. Out of nowhere, he bought me a new camera, a really good one….

Saturday

It’s Saturday night, which, for Tom and I, has always meant having a curry and a drink together, except I stopped drinking almost nine months ago when I fell pregnant. He didn’t stop. Tonight, when our curry arrived, he opened his beers and brought out a bottle of vodka that he’d bought earlier. He poured…

Scotland

Dreaming Tom and I are in the car driving to Scotland. Suddenly it is dark, and we realise the rest of the way is down unlit country roads; we’ll be unable to see what direction to go, and even unable to see the road. I know the road we’re currently on and tell him to brake as we’re approaching a junction. The junction is unclear until we’re right there, and if he hadn’t stopped, we’d have been hit by cars coming the other way. I suggest…

Rash

When we moved in together, Tom refused to let me bring any of my furniture to our new home. He said it was all ‘cheap shit‘. It wasn’t. He said we’d get new furniture even though it would cost us money he said we didn’t have. Weeks later, we still have no dining table, so…