Holding

Glazed

Dreaming There is a baby; all of the doctors and medical staff have given it up for dead. It looks dead; its eyes are open but glazed, and it has a deathly pallor to it. I pick up the baby and hold it. I can feel a flicker of life in it. I tell all the medical staff, but they’re uninterested. The more time I spend with the baby, the more alive it becomes, but nobody notices. Even when the baby is moving, smiling, totally animated, still no one shows any interest and just keeps telling me it is dead. I know they are wrong, and…

Parts

I’m going to be forty this year, and it’s been on my mind a lot the last few days. Not because I’m worried about getting older. It’s been on my mind because I realised that, statistically speaking, this is half of my life gone, and only half left, at the most. I feel as though…

Kind

I took a moment today to completely focus on Phil’s many positive attributes with no thoughts of the things that are marring our relationship, at least for me. I’m nowhere near the stage of moving in together or marriage, but I do want to continue a relationship with him, and I do want to focus…

Held

I met up with Phil last night, totally spontaneously. I was at home and child-free. I was drinking wine when I decided to get a taxi and go see him.

Wasn’t

I was talking to my friend Rachel about her abusive ex and the new man in her life. I said, “It must be very difficult to love again when love has, so far in your life, taught you that it’s nasty and hurtful?” And then I realised… I didn’t feel loved as a child or…