Protection

Enough

I’ve forgotten how strong I am. I’ve spent far too long thinking I’m weak, that I can’t do things, and I realised that’s just not me; it’s not who I am. I am, and always have been, a very strong character, and it’s time I not only remembered it, but celebrated it too. It’s my…

Odd

Dreaming Julie is staying at my house because no one else wants her anymore. She is upstairs and has taken a hose from the bathroom, turned it on and soaked one of the bedroom carpets. There is water everywhere. I am so angry, and I don’t want her anymore now either. All of my family are sitting in a big circle. Tom, Izzy, my nieces and nephews, my children, everyone. Josh is feeling a bit scared and vulnerable; he is naked. He wants to sit on my lap. I think it’s a bit odd, but…

Weight

I received a letter this morning informing me that the government’s recently announced changes are starting to take effect, which means that a benefit I receive for the children will be cut by £10 per week. This means I now need to find an extra £40 per month. I’m almost sure that if I were…

Tangled

A few weeks ago, when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch with my old psychotherapist, whom I first started seeing when I needed the support to be able to leave Tom. I’ve had a few sessions with him recently, but after today’s session, I realised something….

Partially

Dreaming I am upstairs in the house in Church Lane, opening all of the windows but only partially. Once they are partly open, I put a lock on so that fresh air can get in, but no one can enter. Tom is there and says to me, as I look out over the view of…

Break

Sometimes when Annie cries, I just need a bit of a break. I need to cook dinner, or do some washing, tidy up, have a shower, or just have five minutes to be me again – to recharge my batteries so I can go back to holding, playing, feeding, comforting. I wish Tom made that…

Mission

Dreaming I am in Ashcombe; there is a feeling of a disaster has taken place and a rescue mission happening. A car has crashed through some railings and gone into the water. There is a rocket that is about to take off; my children all get on board, but I am scared that it will crash the same as the car. I don’t want any of us to have to get on, but we don’t seem to have a choice. I climb on…

Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those days that I’d just like to be able to forget ever happened, yet I know it’s going to be one of those days that stays etched in my memory forever.

Host

It’s just one month until our baby girl is due to arrive. The older children are so excited; they’ve been talking about what they’re going to do with her, who’s going to change her nappy, and how they’re going to play with her. Tom is equally as excited, but today, after he’d taken photographs of…