On Friday, I finally got our new home into a nice condition to live in. The builders all left a few days ago; the new carpets were put down today, and I cleaned and tidied it all, so it was spotless. To my surprise, I found myself wanting to invite Phil round to show him and share it with him. I didn’t act on it as I knew it wouldn’t be fair.

Yesterday, the children and I put the Christmas tree up, which made me miss Phil even more because I couldn’t stop thinking about sharing that with him, too – of sitting together under the lights of the tree, watching a film together. I still didn’t act on it, though, but then Phil sent me a message asking if I’d meet him for lunch to talk things through. I should have said no, but I caved in and agreed.

During lunch, Phil made me realise that when I’m stressed, I push people away. I tried to tell him that he’d added to my stress, and he could see it, but he said that he was only trying harder because I was pushing him away. It was an endless, vicious circle. Phil asked if now that my stress has eased, I’d be willing to try again, and I agreed. I’m not entirely certain it was the right decision, but I think I owe it to him after pushing him away so much.