Connection

Darkness

I’m really restless and stressed this morning. There is a workman here replacing the broken gate and that makes me uptight. I know as soon as he leaves I’ll be able to relax again. I woke at 6.30 am because I was stressed about him arriving, even though he wasn’t coming until gone 9 am….

Reminiscing

I couldn’t settle last night. I was restless because Phil had texted me in the afternoon and was being sexually suggestive. The messages stopped abruptly at 6 pm, mid-conversation, which means he chose to spend the night with Antonia. Strangely, I don’t feel jealous at all; I just feel very uneasy with it all. All…

Headfuck

Amelia saw Phil holding hands with a woman. I’ve barely thought about Phil since we split up, apart from when I slept with Tom and I realised that he isn’t a patch on Phil in any way. Why then, now that he’s definitely moved on, do I start to care? At first I felt pleased…

Illogical

I suddenly had the strongest intuitive sense that I needed to have sex with Tom today. It didn’t make any sense to my logical mind, but I couldn’t rid myself of the feeling. After trying to make sense of it for a couple of hours, I decided to listen to it instead. I sent Tom…

Healing

When Tom came over to see the kids tonight, we got talking, just the two of us. We were talking about nothing much, but it somehow led to a discussion about saying sorry for things you’ve done and how it’s a sign of emotional maturity. I went on to say that sometimes we need to…

Sorry

This morning, while drying myself after my shower, I managed to pull a muscle in my back. It was painful and limiting my movements, so after dropping Annie to school, I nipped into Tom’s to ask him to knead it out a bit. It worked, and my back felt much better afterwards. Really what I…

Ripple

I was watching the news this morning when the reporter talked about a crash that occurred in the early hours of this morning. A man had driven into two girls aged fourteen and sixteen. The fourteen-year-old had died. The sixteen-year-old was in hospital in a critical condition. My very first thoughts were of Amelia and…

Directions

Susie and I had lunch together, and I had a surreal moment of realisation. Firstly, Susie and I have lost the connection we had. Whereas we used to spend hours together most days, and then still ring each other up later to talk more, today we sat for ninety minutes and soon ran out of…

Be

I spent the afternoon with Phil today. It was perfect. Every time we’re together, it feels so good. Being with Phil is the only time I feel grounded; the rest of the time, I feel slightly out of control and very empty. Despite that, I still can’t say that I won’t end things with him…

Greener

I’ve been missing Phil. Last week I craved him. I needed his warmth, love and security. I needed to feel everything that he is and all that he offers me. I’ll admit I was having a really bad week, but these last few days are better. I’m not having a bad time at all, but…

Source

Dreaming I am at the house of a woman; I may be moving to her house. She appears to be well dressed, well spoken, not posh but has an air about her. Her house has the feeling of a lot of white and gold, although I don’t actually ‘see’ the colours. While talking to her, I realise that I am parked in the car park and haven’t bought a ticket. I go outside, and a man tells me not to bother as it’s almost the time when…

Men

Runners

Dreaming It is morning; I have just woken. Greg/Tom (Greg is more prominent) is in bed next to me.

Tag: Connection