Susie and I had lunch together, and I had a surreal moment of realisation.

Firstly, Susie and I have lost the connection we had. Whereas we used to spend hours together most days, and then still ring each other up later to talk more, today we sat for ninety minutes and soon ran out of things to say. We even sat in silence for some of it.

It wasn’t how it used to be at all.

My life is in such a different place from hers, and that’s ok, but it doesn’t leave us much to talk about, and we don’t seem to have much in common these days. I found myself missing what I have with Karen, which is what I used to have with Susie. I don’t feel sad about it though; I’m going with the flow of life. Maybe one day in the future, we’ll have some common ground again. For now, it’s not where we’re both at.

The other thing I realised was just how much my life could change in the next couple of years. I feel partly scared and partly excited about that.

Within the next few months, Phil will move in with us. I may be starting college to retake my GCSEs; hopefully I’ll be going to university down the line, and within five years, I could have a degree, be a qualified counsellor and be able to do a good job that pays well and, more importantly, helps people. That’s the exciting bit.

The scary parts are the very real possibility of Josh leaving home one day soon. He may not, but he’s twenty-two, so it’s likely sometime soon. I’m dreading it, but I am also feeling something else about it that I’m unable to put into words right now. It’s not happy, but it’s something akin to that. I suppose because it’s right, I sort of feel OK with it, even though I also don’t.

I’m also having to face the fact that Amelia will be starting college in a year, and then, within a couple of years of that, she could leave home to go to university. Rosie may not be long behind her.

Within the next five years, my life is going to change massively; my nest could be much emptier, my life much busier, and I don’t know how I’m going to cope with the former. I can’t stand the thought of the children growing up and moving away, but I know I have to let them go. I know when that day comes, it’s going to devastate me. All that will be left will be Annie, Phil and I. That’s going to be a sad day.

These thoughts have all come from things the psychic said yesterday about my children starting to move in new directions. They may not come true, but it is true to say that her words gave me food for thought and made me realise that the time of holding my children in my arms and keeping them safe will one day come to an end, and I don’t like it one bit.