Draining

Repercussions

I feel drained. Not because of Christmas or all the work that goes with it, but because of Tom. The more time I spend in his company, the more exhausted I feel. He’s was here most of Christmas Eve including sleeping over that night so he could see Annie open her presents. He was here…

Monopolised

Tom joined us for a barbecue today. Later, my dad popped round for a visit. Dad didn’t ask where the kids were – in their rooms – and he didn’t even attempt to say hello to them when they came downstairs shortly afterwards. Tom offered him food from the barbecue and then sat with us…

Pressure

I’ve not been feeling good lately. I’m exhausted all of the time. I feel drained of all energy, yet I really struggle to sleep at night. Last night Amelia asked me if I could phone the dentist for her today. My internal reaction to her request was really negative. I felt as though it was…

Surface

I don’t think Phil is genuine, not the way I once did. More and more, it feels as though he’s created a version of himself that he thinks I want, and every now and then, the real him slips through. Those moments make me question everything. A friend messaged me tonight to ask how I…

Alone

Last week, a friend posted on Facebook directly after I posted about having a takeaway. It really offended and upset me. I’ve tried to rise above it and ignore it, but today I figured that if it’s still bothering me after five days, I should say something. I remembered one of the Five Regrets of…

Deep

When I have a counselling session that goes quite deep, it can leave me feeling a little bit like I’m in shock for a day or two afterwards. It leaves me drained and exhausted.

Tangled

A few weeks ago, when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch with my old psychotherapist, whom I first started seeing when I needed the support to be able to leave Tom. I’ve had a few sessions with him recently, but after today’s session, I realised something….

Six

In six days, I get the keys to our new home. I wish I could say I’m excited, but I don’t really feel anything. This house – or at least the things that are mine – is still nowhere near packed. I’ve done most of the bedroom, half of the older girls’ stuff, the utility…

Missing

Amelia had an end-of-school leaving party tonight. Once she was all dressed and ready to leave, I took some photos of her. I then took a photo of Tom with her, and he took one of me with Amelia. I looked back at the photos later, and came across the one he took of me….

Fraud

I have just attended a group for domestic abuse, and it was awful. I went along as I’ve wondered for a long time if Tom might be abusive, but I also wonder if I have mental health issues that make me paranoid and think that he’s abusive. I was hoping that by going along to…

Beg

I am such a fool. I thought Tom was changing; I was wrong – he hasn’t changed at all. I feel sad so much of the time. The health visitor thinks I may have postnatal depression. Tom said, “You’re not depressed; if anyone is depressed around here it’s me, you’re just putting it on.“ Annie…

Tag: Draining