Learning

Last year I spent a short while saying yes to everything. This year I’m learning how important it is for me to say no. I often say yes to things I don’t want to do or that I know will have a negative effect on me in some way. If I’m going to really live…

Pros

I never thought I’d find myself in a situation like this. It seems that I have four men interested in me. This didn’t happen in my teens, my twenties or my thirties, but it appears it’s happening now unless I’m reading all the signs wrong. Tom seems to be really affectionate and nice to me…

Urge

When I left Tom, I started finding my truth. My thoughts recently are the culmination of three years of finding myself, finding my truth, and now starting to live it. Events over the last few days have powered these thoughts further. My friend Viv confided in me that there is a man who is in…

Autonomy

I often notice how events in my life tie together, even though they may appear to be very different at first glance. I thought I’d email my friend Esme this morning and see how she is after a recent confession that she ‘knows’ she is going to die. Before emailing her, I did some research…

Quest

I woke this morning feeling pretty awful, not ill or tired, just a profound need to be alone and retreat back into my world with nobody disturbing me. I took the girls to school, avoided making eye contact with anyone as I didn’t want to talk, got in my car and started driving. I was…

Liar

At my counselling session, Jane gave me a set of Russian Dolls, asked me to take them home and work with them. She wanted me to look at each layer and really feel what each layer represents in Tom. I did this exercise tonight. It was very painful, and I really didn’t want to do…

Truth

I need to record the truth about my experiences of – and with – men. Not what my mum’s words have taught me to believe, but what I actually experienced, and felt. I need to deal with my Dad first. He was the man that she hated the most. Never in my life have I…

Tangled

A few weeks ago, when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch with my old psychotherapist, whom I first started seeing when I needed the support to be able to leave Tom. I’ve had a few sessions with him recently, but after today’s session, I realised something….

Contract

I have signed the contract and picked up the keys to our new home; a house that just me and the children will live in. I’m leaving behind a man I love to the depths of me; a man that I thought would be in my life forever. I’m devastated, but I know it’s the…