Promise

Wings

Amelia talked to me about how hard it is to see Fin, as they don’t get much time together because someone’s always around. After listening to her, I decided to take on board something Phil had said to me yesterday. He’d said that I have to allow the kids to step away from me a…

Tormented

I went to Phil’s last night to talk things over. I had a long list of questions in my head that I needed answered, some that I knew would actually hurt me, but I felt I needed to know rather than not know and be tormented by them. I’ve become such a strong believer in…

Judgement

I woke feeling much better than I have for the last few weeks. I felt positive, balanced and centred ~ a state the relationship anxiety course leader calls ‘when your heart is open instead of closed down through fear.’ I was energised and ready to tackle the housework that’s been building all week – a…

Bittersweet

My Dad rang this morning; he said he wanted to see how I was, as I’d been on his mind the last few days. He wondered if everything was okay. The cynical part of me thinks he saw something that I posted on Facebook last night, and he’s turning it around so it seems that…

Surrender

I went round to Tom’s today. We spent the day talking more than we have in a long time – the more we talked, the more I could feel all the old feelings come flooding back. He spoke about Josh and how much he cares for him but how angry he is with me for…

Blurted

This evening Tom came over to bring Annie back from his. When Annie left the room, Tom blurted out that he’d been on a date last weekend. He went on to tell me about the date; I started to feel sick to my stomach. I always knew this day would come, and even though I…

Decade

It’s my fortieth birthday soon, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot this year. I started the year not really looking forward to it and berating myself for not being the weight I promised myself I would be by the time I turned forty. I had some fears come up about life passing me…

Half

If ever I needed an answer to my many questions, it is now. If ever there is such a thing as Divine Timing, it is in this moment. My dilemma with Phil. My challenging year. My stresses and my ever-changing mind. Last night on Facebook, Theo popped up. It’s not the first time this has…

Offending

I’ve spent all day feeling angry. I’m angry at Phil, and I’m angry with someone I met recently and befriended, but who has already abused the friendship. Most of all, I’m angry at myself for allowing all this to happen in the first place. I’m so naive, and I’m too trusting. I always see the…

Clone

This is it. This is the point in my life where I either change or I become a clone of my mother. The promise I made to myself as a teenager to never turn out like my mum is happening anyway. The woman who moans and complains constantly that life is terrible, that it’s boring,…

Lesson

I joined a dating site last week. I know it’s been less than three months since Tom and I split up, and if I’m honest with myself, I don’t actually want a relationship, but I will not let what happened between us define my future. I will not allow Tom’s actions to shape my thoughts…

Cruel

His barbed words woke me constantly throughout the night to remind me of the past that just yesterday was my present. The past that I now know isn’t going to go away just because I’ve fled its shackles. The stars in the night sky sealed my heart as much as they sealed my fate. Soaking…

Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those days that I’d just like to be able to forget ever happened, yet I know it’s going to be one of those days that stays etched in my memory forever.

Tag: Promise