This is it.

This is the point in my life where I either change or I become a clone of my mother. The promise I made to myself as a teenager to never turn out like my mum is happening anyway. The woman who moans and complains constantly that life is terrible, that it’s boring, that it’s all about work, chores, jobs – I am becoming her.

My life lacks fun.

It has all become about housework, stressing about housework, stressing about the house, stressing about work, stressing about money, and it’s miserable and depressing. If I’m going to become my mum – who is still waiting for life to happen for her instead of making it happen – I need to carry on exactly the way I am: moaning, feeling down, waiting for things to change.

If I’m going to be anything else but that sad shell of a woman, I need to change things. I need to change myself. I just don’t know where or how, and that in itself makes me sad. It all seems so stacked against me. I have to try and find a little glimpse of light to find my way out of this heap of shit that I feel buried under.