I’ve spent all day feeling angry.

I’m angry at Phil, and I’m angry with someone I met recently and befriended, but who has already abused the friendship. Most of all, I’m angry at myself for allowing all this to happen in the first place.

I’m so naive, and I’m too trusting. I always see the best in people, even when those people are treating me badly or disrespectfully, and because of my ridiculous view of the world, I end up getting hurt and mistreated.

This morning I woke to a text from Derek, the person in question. He’d sent it at midnight to say goodnight. I only gave him my phone number because when we met at his workplace, he said that if he had any jobs come up, he’d text me. This is totally inappropriate behaviour from a 61-year-old married man. I didn’t reply. He messaged me on Facebook – I took hours to reply; when I did, he sent one back saying it was good to hear from me, as he’d missed me!

He’s met me once, he’s married, and most importantly, I’m not interested in the slightest. I’ve been giving him the benefit of the doubt – maybe he’s really friendly, maybe this, maybe that – but no matter what way I look at it, this isn’t right. Instead of telling him this – because yet again, I don’t want to offend or hurt someone’s feelings, even though he’s offending me – I said nothing.

Phil, I just want out of my life. I’ve had passive-aggressive messages from him all day, all of which I’ve ignored. I’ve just had enough.

I’m a disaster when it comes to men.

Every man in my life, excluding my son, has disrespected me in some way or another. I really should have stuck with the promise I made myself three years ago, when I said I would never have another relationship. I attract the wrong kind of man, and I allow their feelings to count a lot more than mine, and then I quietly seethe.

I hate myself for the way I bend over backwards for a man’s feelings.

I realised today that because of all the men that have let me down over the years – over my entire life – I have no trust in men whatsoever, and for that reason, I need to stay single for the rest of my life. The alternative is to be bent over backwards yet again, and put myself in the position of being treated badly once more.

I just can’t do it anymore.