Amelia talked to me about how hard it is to see Fin, as they don’t get much time together because someone’s always around. After listening to her, I decided to take on board something Phil had said to me yesterday. He’d said that I have to allow the kids to step away from me a little bit. At the time, I argued with him that he was wrong, that I did allow them space, but listening to Amelia, I realised I could let her have more. At sixteen, she has proved herself to me over and over that she is mature, trustworthy and responsible, and so I agreed that from now on, when Fin comes over, they are allowed in her room.

I explained to Amelia how my parents had never given me any boundaries regarding boys, how they’d actually more or less given me the green light to do what I wanted with a boy from the age of thirteen, and that was why I was so strict with her regarding boys. I could see that it was time to allow her the space to start learning for herself, even to start making mistakes, but really to find her own feet in the world.

Letting Fin upstairs is the first step in that, and it’s almost as much a learning curve for me as it is for Amelia.

I know they’re likely to start exploring their sexuality, but I feel that at sixteen, Amelia’s old enough to be making those decisions for herself now, and I need to accept that I’ve given her firm, strong roots. Now it’s time to allow her wings to start growing and start letting her go a little bit.

I promised her that if she ever needs me, now or when she’s an adult, I am here for her unconditionally, as I am for the other three, but now is the time to let her learn for herself.