I went to a past life workshop today.

The first meditation we did was an Inner Guide meditation. The lady running the group, Margaret, laid out her tarot cards and asked us to choose the one that jumped out at us. Immediately one did, but I wanted to look at all the others first. I eventually went back to the original one, trusting that it was right for me. It was The Lovers card.

We were asked to focus on our card and keep it in our minds during the meditation. I felt relaxed and hopeful.

We were guided to a forest, which I had difficulty seeing, mainly as I didn’t want to go to a forest. From there, we were led to a cave, which I also had trouble focusing on; I found myself daydreaming a lot. Eventually I pictured it as low, dim, empty, sparse and natural. We were then told to go out of a different exit in the cave and describe the surroundings. I described mine as pink, soft and gentle. Almost room-like but not defined by walls. However, I couldn’t help thinking that it was the image on the card I was seeing. The path we were told to see wasn’t visible until I made myself see it; then it was short, slightly curved and covered in cream coloured pebbles. We were told there was an animal on the path for us; I had the word frog in my head but dismissed it and instead saw an elephant on the path, very large but gentle. Looking back, I think I should have either gone with the frog or maybe both.

The elephant led me to my guide. I saw the old man with a beard and staff again, but I dismissed him; I wanted to see the guide, Morgan, whom I used to work with when I first became interested in spirituality. I looked to the right and saw Morgan – his eyes were bigger than before, and he had very big lips. Margaret said this was because I am learning to communicate and see better.

We were told that the card would come to life – mine became a woman with long, floor-length dark hair, tied in a plait, entwined around a male figure; however, he had no real part in anything other than just being there. Their bodies and limbs were wrapped around each other, also forming a plait. She was the dominant being. The gift from the card was the word EXPLORE, and a magnifying glass, which I’m taking to mean look carefully for all the details. I had difficulty staying focused here and found my mind wandering.

Margaret then said our guide had a gift for us. Morgan handed me a white box tied with black ribbon; it was unopened. I felt a bit frustrated, as I felt that I made it a box, as that’s what I’m used to, rather than Morgan choosing it. The message of the gift was ‘Open when ready‘. Maybe this means my spiritual gifts?

Later, we did the past life meditation. At first I saw myself in a bustling and very happy market town. I was female, round in stature, motherly. I was selling my wares and had a feeling of having a basket on my head. I was very confident in my ability to do the job at hand.

I was then Gino, a 15-year-old boy. The time frame was sketchy – I thought 1795, but it didn’t feel right. I got a sense he was Italian, but that could have been because of his name. As Gino, I was a peasant, and at 15 I was worried about how I would support a wife, as it would be expected of me to marry fairly soon – within the next few years. I was good-looking with dark hair, which was short-ish. The feeling of responsibility weighed heavily on my mind.  

I skipped forward to the most relevant time in that life, and saw myself at the age of 54. I was a few pounds heavier and my hair grey, most noticeably around the temples. I was married to a woman I loved, although she looked to be younger than me. I adored her totally. My wife was laid out on cushions on the floor, utterly exhausted, her hair in a plait. I stood over her looking at how weak she had become through years of babies and hard work. I feel very guilty and realise I have allowed her to get this way; I am responsible. I decided there and then that I would assume all responsibility from then on. I understand that I have brought that vow of responsibility through to this lifetime in caring for my children, alone.

I felt I got a lot from the day, a lot that still needs to filter in, but so much of it seemed to tie in with my psychotherapy work. There were many times in the day that what was being said felt right for me to hear on a very personal level.