Trust

Wild

As I lay in bed last night, I started to question why I chose May 1st to start my yes challenge. I wondered why I don’t just start today; why does it have to be a significant date? What’s wrong with now? One of the first things I saw on Facebook today was this: ‘There…

Yes

I had an interesting conversation with Tom today. I told him how I felt yesterday when I took the kids out for lunch; how sad it made me feel. I elaborated and told him how I feel as though I have to stay single for at least the next eleven years until Annie is eighteen,…

Struck

At today’s counselling session, I really wanted to talk about Phil, relationships, lack of work and direction, but the counsellor wanted to continue what we’d started with Mum last time, so we chatted about that the whole time. I’m glad we did. She said she’s seen people before whose childhoods haven’t been as bad as…

Diary

Phil came over this afternoon. I had horrendous period pain and a headache, which I told him about before he arrived. I told him I’d be monging on the sofa in my pyjamas and asked if he was okay with that. He said he’d bring his PJs and mong too. Josh answered the door and…

Wings

Amelia talked to me about how hard it is to see Fin, as they don’t get much time together because someone’s always around. After listening to her, I decided to take on board something Phil had said to me yesterday. He’d said that I have to allow the kids to step away from me a…

Inspiration

Half

If ever I needed an answer to my many questions, it is now. If ever there is such a thing as Divine Timing, it is in this moment. My dilemma with Phil. My challenging year. My stresses and my ever-changing mind. Last night on Facebook, Theo popped up. It’s not the first time this has…

Urge

When I left Tom, I started finding my truth. My thoughts recently are the culmination of three years of finding myself, finding my truth, and now starting to live it. Events over the last few days have powered these thoughts further. My friend Viv confided in me that there is a man who is in…

Softly

Today was the first day of the summer holidays; they started off so well. We didn’t wake till 9 am, so we felt nicely refreshed. The girls and I then had a lazy morning before we got dressed and decided to get some fresh air. I was feeling so relaxed and excited about the next…

Offending

I’ve spent all day feeling angry. I’m angry at Phil, and I’m angry with someone I met recently and befriended, but who has already abused the friendship. Most of all, I’m angry at myself for allowing all this to happen in the first place. I’m so naive, and I’m too trusting. I always see the…

Greener

I’ve been missing Phil. Last week I craved him. I needed his warmth, love and security. I needed to feel everything that he is and all that he offers me. I’ll admit I was having a really bad week, but these last few days are better. I’m not having a bad time at all, but…

Deep

When I have a counselling session that goes quite deep, it can leave me feeling a little bit like I’m in shock for a day or two afterwards. It leaves me drained and exhausted.

Relief

Annie came home last night. I can’t begin to describe the relief I felt when she walked through the door. It’s been a stressful week where I’ve had to face a lot of fears and really learn to put my trust in Tom, despite his previous threats. Now, the fact that he didn’t carry out…

Joke

Tomorrow, Annie goes away for a week with Tom. It will be the first time she’s been away from me for more than a night at a time. I really didn’t want to agree, but I didn’t think it fair to deprive Tom and Annie of time together, and his family time with their grandchild….

Meals

I slept really badly – my mind was nagging at me throughout the night. It all seemed to stem from the most innocent of conversations with Phil about the meals he eats; microwave meals most of the time, as he sees no point in cooking just for himself and is too tired to prepare and…

Told

I told Phil about Tom. I spent the entire morning getting it all out in an email so Phil knows some of what went on, what he has to deal with and how it still affects me. I’ve been having some major fears coming up. What if I’m wrong about Phil and he turns out…

Creeping

What do you do and where do you go when you feel like you’ve reached rock bottom? It’s been creeping up on me gradually since the beginning of the year, and if I’m not there yet, I’m really not far away from it. I don’t want to live with the anger and pain that I…

Quietly

If this ‘thing’ with Craig goes no further than it is right now, if we only ever stay friends, or if we drift apart and never speak again, I will always be so grateful that I met someone that I feel as if I slotted so into place with. I can’t even begin to describe…

Responsibility

I went to a past life workshop today. The first meditation we did was an Inner Guide meditation. The lady running the group, Margaret, laid out her tarot cards and asked us to choose the one that jumped out at us. Immediately one did, but I wanted to look at all the others first. I…

Intruder

Dreaming I am walking down a street towards home; it is nighttime and dark. As I approach my house (an unfamiliar house), I see three men by the wall overlooking the front garden. They are drunk and are urinating over the wall onto my grass. I don’t want them to notice me, so I slip down an alley at the side of the house. As I reach the back garden, I can see my French doors wide open. I realise I have been broken into…

Partially

Dreaming I am upstairs in the house in Church Lane, opening all of the windows but only partially. Once they are partly open, I put a lock on so that fresh air can get in, but no one can enter. Tom is there and says to me, as I look out over the view of…

Lulling

Despite Tom’s threat to take Annie, and despite all of my fears when I was pregnant, he’s proving to be a good Dad. He spends lots of time with Annie, and he’s always willing to give her cuddles and rock her off to sleep if I can’t settle her. Today, he really made life easier for…

Josh

Dreaming I am in a large department store with Josh. I see Fern and ask her if she is pregnant; she is, and she shows me her tummy. I show her mine because I’m pregnant too. I hear Bridget call me; she’s pregnant too. I ask Fern how long she has left; she says two weeks, but…

Tag: Trust