During my last counselling session, Jane wanted me to explore whether Tom is kind or unkind to me. I decided to look at our most recent interactions.

Kind

• He asked how my counselling went.
• He said, “Give me a hug,” then hugged me and said we were going to have a nice Christmas.

Unkind

• He didn’t say ‘Happy Birthday’ to me, despite me picking him up from the airport on the day. When I said I was hurt that he’d forgotten, he said he hadn’t forgotten, which means he purposely didn’t wish me a happy birthday.
• He made a comment about my counselling not working as I’m ‘still mental’ and then tried to disguise it as a joke.
• On Christmas Eve, I phoned him to ask him to bring his tools over as I needed to put Annie’s doll’s house together. I also asked him if he could pick up oil and bread. I told him I felt ill, that I had a heavy cold and had only had four hours’ sleep. There was no response, complete silence on the end of the phone. I asked if he was still there; he said yes. I said he could respond. He said, “If you’re going to be like this, I might have to rethink whether I come to you over Christmas.” I told him I would be rethinking things too if he didn’t show a bit of compassion and kindness. No response.