It’s New Year’s Eve.

Tom was supposed to be staying the night to see the New Year in with me and the children, but instead he’s at his house, and I’m at mine, and it’s because I chose it. I decided that, and I made it happen.

I remember someone saying to me once, “Who you spend New Year’s Eve with and what you do determines who and what for the following year” That was ringing in my ears the last few days. I don’t want to spend another year of my life with him in it. I want to move on, not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I want to hold on to the fond memories I have of who we were in the beginning and the love I felt for him then, but let go of everything else, including him now.

It’s time to let go.

As the year ends, so does my need to hold on to the past. Hopefully, by letting him go, I’ll be helping us both to move on, in whatever way life allows.

So tonight, I saw 2012 in with my children, a ton of food, and hour upon hour of Glee, and honestly, I can’t think of any other way I’d rather have spent it. We sang and laughed our way through the night; we danced to some of the songs, and then once they went up to bed, I had a few minutes alone to mourn one final time for the love I had felt for him, but also to feel grateful for it once being in my life, and for everything I learned from it, good and bad.

On this day last year, I said a very sad farewell to Maxine. The whole of 2011 seems to have been about slowly learning to let go and say goodbye to those I have once loved.

Tonight it ends.

Tomorrow is a new day – and a new year – and I really hope it’s a year of hellos and happiness. I think I’ve earned it.