What better day than Christmas Day to have a massive realisation that you really feel deep within, one that resonates so much that you can’t ignore it. A day of loving, of giving. Today, to myself.

Just like last year, Tom came to stay on Christmas Eve as well as tonight, to spend Christmas with me and the children. Before he even arrived, he insulted me, he belittled me, he tried to be verbally abusive, but from somewhere I found the strength to cut him off. I told him he wouldn’t be spending Christmas with us if he did it, and he actually stopped. He didn’t apologise or admit he was at fault, but he stopped.

After presents and Christmas dinner, we were talking when I made a comment about how it’s all so similar to last year, and that it felt like nothing had changed. When I said it, I didn’t mean it the way I felt it, but the feeling that came with it was a real, ‘Oh my God, my life is exactly the same as it was a year ago. Do I really want it to be the same again in another year’s time?’ and the resounding answer within me was a very definite NO!

This is major progress, and it came from nowhere. Well, actually, it probably came from the counselling and finally realising that I don’t even love him any more. That the man I thought I loved was, in fact, the man I met eight years ago who ceased to exist a long time ago.

I finally feel as though I may be breaking free from these chains that have held me for so long. This is the best Christmas in a very long time.