Annie has slept through the night twice since she was born; most nights she’s up at least four times between 11am – 6am. I have always been the one to deal with her; Tom never has, nor has he offered to. She’s now started getting up at 6 am every day, so as well as the night wakings, I’m up early. I generally just get on with it, because no matter what I say or do, Tom does nothing to help. This morning I felt so angry about it.

I’m sick of doing all the work.

I got up at 5.30 am, made the girls’ breakfasts, tidied the kitchen, had a very quick shower (leaving the older girls to look after Annie) put the washing on, went to the shop for lunch bits as I forgot yesterday, got Annie dressed twice, made the girl’s lunches, did Rosie’s hair, wrote a letter for Amelia, ran up & down the stairs to solve an argument that was brewing over hairbands, hunted for shoes, got myself ready, chased the girls to do their teeth, packed a bag for Annie, all before leaving the house at 8 am for the school run without time for breakfast.

Tom got up when I did, had a wee, went back to bed, got up again at 7.15 am, made himself porridge, ate it while reading emails, got up, made tea & toast, ate that while on Facebook, then put the TV on and sat for 20 minutes watching GMTV.  When I asked for help, he said, ‘If you stopped flapping around you wouldn’t be in such a mad panic every morning’ and then carried on watching TV. As I walked out of the door, he did manage to get up to say bye to the girls.

I’m still fuming hours later. I’m so tired.

I put Annie to bed almost every night, I bathe her, cook the dinner most days, I always do the washing up, I do school runs. Tom goes to work just three or four days a week – never a full week – and he’s taken a month off starting next week. He’s still going to the pub 2-3 times a week, going to the gym if he feels like it, and cooks once or twice a week, and that’s about it.

I told him this morning I may as well be a single parent for all the help he is. He ignored me.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve done the gentle approach, the nagging, the getting angry, the serious conversation bit. Nothing ever changes. I can’t remember the last time Tom did anything with us as a family apart from Halloween. I do everything with and for the children, normally while he’s at the pub, having a sleep or watching the rugby. He doesn’t even come out on family days out. I literally do everything on my own.

I had quite a bad asthma attack yesterday afternoon, which is still giving me some breathing problems today, yet despite this, I still got up at 5.30 am to see to Annie, still did all the school preparation for the girls, still took them to school and all the while Tom sat on his arse doing nothing but watch TV.

Tonight, I washed up after dinner, cleaned the table, bathed Annie and put her to bed while he watched TV again. The whole day I’ve been wheezy and breathless and needing to take my inhaler constantly, all of which Tom has seen.

If an asthma attack – a potentially life-threatening illness – isn’t going to get him off his arse then nothing will. No talking, no nagging, no reasoning, no threats of leaving. Nothing.