I decided to make a list tonight of all the reasons I will never get back together with Tom. I went through my diaries, listing everything out, and as I read through everything, more and more memories came back to the surface – things I had never written about but were obviously hurtful enough for…
Tag: Alcohol
Reaquainting
There are many things that people might think are the worst things about the kind of relationship I’m in. Maybe they think it’s the shouting and screaming, or they may believe it’s the actual words that get said. They may see it as the manipulation that’s the hardest thing to bear, or the constant worry…
Passed
Recently, I’ve been feeling that life has passed me by and it’s really starting to get me down. In the last couple of years, I’ve gone from being someone who lived life to the full with parties, pubs, clubs and singing lessons. I’ve gone from going out dancing, to karaoke, camping weekends with Susie and…
Thunder
Christmas Day didn’t quite go the way I hoped, unfortunately. The children woke and opened their presents while Tom sat with a face like thunder, watching them. He spent the rest of the day complaining about what I’d bought for the children, saying they should have only had one small present each, and that the…
Holiday
We’ve just returned from a visit to Tom’s family, and I hated every minute of it.
Silenced
Amelia had some friends over to sleep tonight for her birthday. The girls’ bedroom isn’t big enough to sleep everyone, so I decided they could sleep downstairs in the living room. Tom has been in a mood all day; tonight he exploded. He said I had no right to arrange a sleepover in his house…
Cinema
Tom actually agreed to go out with me tonight, just me and him. Whenever I’ve asked him before, he’s refused to go because he doesn’t want to leave Annie with babysitters or because he thinks he’d be bored with just my company. I was so excited when he agreed, and I allowed myself to imagine…
Mission
Dreaming I am in Ashcombe; there is a feeling of a disaster has taken place and a rescue mission happening. A car has crashed through some railings and gone into the water. There is a rocket that is about to take off; my children all get on board, but I am scared that it will crash the same as the car. I don’t want any of us to have to get on, but we don’t seem to have a choice. I climb on…
Waiting
For the third time this week, Tom is at the pub twenty miles away. He left home just before 5pm. He planned on coming back sometime after midnight. Usually, he’ll come home on the last train, stumble through the door, pour himself a glass of wine, maybe a second, before staggering up to bed and…
Saturday
It’s Saturday night, which, for Tom and I, has always meant having a curry and a drink together, except I stopped drinking almost nine months ago when I fell pregnant. He didn’t stop. Tonight, when our curry arrived, he opened his beers and brought out a bottle of vodka that he’d bought earlier. He poured…
Weeks
As I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy, I’m feeling emotional, tired and stressed. I have too much time on my hands. I’m looking back over the last few months, and I’m seeing a picture that I don’t like. In the first weeks of pregnancy, when the tiredness was extreme, I mentioned how exhausted I…