Unfairness

Talk

Wednesday

I’m not happy. Driving back from the school run, it suddenly struck me that despite fooling myself for a long time that I am happy with my life, I’m not. My life is empty and meaningless. It’s 9.27am on a Wednesday morning; I’ve done the school run, and I’m back in bed. Why? Because I’m…

Pressure

I’ve not been feeling good lately. I’m exhausted all of the time. I feel drained of all energy, yet I really struggle to sleep at night. Last night Amelia asked me if I could phone the dentist for her today. My internal reaction to her request was really negative. I felt as though it was…

Support

I went to Phil’s today for sex, but I realised, while I was there, that it’s not actually the sex I want. It’s the support he gives me that I crave so much. Phil is the only person in my life who listens to me, accepts me as I am completely, and gives me the…

Forgot

I woke up still feeling really angry about having to take Jasper away with us, but I spoke to Karen and Susie, who both said I shouldn’t if I didn’t want to. Regardless of whether people were expecting him or not, they both said that it wasn’t fair for me to have to do something…

Try

I succeeded today. The only way to fail is to not try, and to try is to be successful. I took action. The steps were small but significant because they took me one step forward compared to where I was yesterday. I suppose all I can do is take one small step forward at a…

Scream

I’ve been reading back over everything I wrote here over the years, and it makes for interesting and sad reading. It’s made me realise that, for now at least, I can’t see myself living with a man again. There is a part of me that loves the thought of living with someone I love, but…

Alone

Last week, a friend posted on Facebook directly after I posted about having a takeaway. It really offended and upset me. I’ve tried to rise above it and ignore it, but today I figured that if it’s still bothering me after five days, I should say something. I remembered one of the Five Regrets of…

Floor

I always knew that this was going to be a really difficult week or two, but I underestimated just how hard it would be. The list of jobs I still have to get through is vast, and still growing. Today, all I managed to do was the food shopping and buy the bits I need…

Doubt

Despite what the counsellor said about me being negative, I’m starting to have doubts. I think she was wrong. Maybe I am negative, but Tom isn’t innocent in all of this; in fact, I’m starting to wonder if I might be in a verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. I’m also wondering if my…

Hours

Tom went to Twickenham yesterday to watch the rugby. He left home at 10 am and didn’t come back till 1 this morning, and yet he’s just left to go to the pub for the evening. He’ll be gone for seven hours. Why? Why can’t he ever stay in and spend some time with me,…

Cost

Tom left home for another four days away to attend his best friend’s birthday party. Again, we weren’t asked to join him, and again, I’ve been left at home alone with all of the children. He did give me £50 to buy food for the next few days, while he’s taken £500 over with him,…

Weeks

As I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy, I’m feeling emotional, tired and stressed. I have too much time on my hands. I’m looking back over the last few months, and I’m seeing a picture that I don’t like. In the first weeks of pregnancy, when the tiredness was extreme, I mentioned how exhausted I…

Tag: Unfairness