Unhappy

Wednesday

I’m not happy. Driving back from the school run, it suddenly struck me that despite fooling myself for a long time that I am happy with my life, I’m not. My life is empty and meaningless. It’s 9.27am on a Wednesday morning; I’ve done the school run, and I’m back in bed. Why? Because I’m…

Surface

I don’t think Phil is genuine, not the way I once did. More and more, it feels as though he’s created a version of himself that he thinks I want, and every now and then, the real him slips through. Those moments make me question everything. A friend messaged me tonight to ask how I…

Scream

I’ve been reading back over everything I wrote here over the years, and it makes for interesting and sad reading. It’s made me realise that, for now at least, I can’t see myself living with a man again. There is a part of me that loves the thought of living with someone I love, but…

Parts

I’m going to be forty this year, and it’s been on my mind a lot the last few days. Not because I’m worried about getting older. It’s been on my mind because I realised that, statistically speaking, this is half of my life gone, and only half left, at the most. I feel as though…

Tangled

A few weeks ago, when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch with my old psychotherapist, whom I first started seeing when I needed the support to be able to leave Tom. I’ve had a few sessions with him recently, but after today’s session, I realised something….

Mum

I’ve noticed something over the last couple of months. Whenever I see my mum, I feel different after than before her visit. Take today for example. I felt relaxed, content, happy. I spent the day playing with Annie, pottering around doing housework, writing my journal – just all lovely and chilled. Mum and John came…

Missing

Amelia had an end-of-school leaving party tonight. Once she was all dressed and ready to leave, I took some photos of her. I then took a photo of Tom with her, and he took one of me with Amelia. I looked back at the photos later, and came across the one he took of me….

Knowledge

One day last week, Tom woke up in a bit of a mood. The best way for me to deal with his moods is to leave him alone until he snaps out of it. He was working from home, so he spent the next couple of hours on his laptop. I got on and tidied…

Committed

I still love Tom more than ever, and I still want a relationship with him, but I don’t really want to live with him anymore. He’s noisy; I like quiet. We don’t have the same taste in decor, music, TV programs or anything really. While I know it sounds like we have nothing much to…

Bleeding

Dreaming I am in a house with Clive, Susie and the children. Clive is taking the children somewhere and tells me they’ll be back at 9.15pm. Susie and Clive think this is okay. I am unhappy and tell them there is no way my children are going out alone until that time, and that I’ll be going…

Tag: Unhappy