Tonight, for the first time in so long, Tom and I had sex.

He’s been rejecting my kisses and cuddles for months now. If I try to talk to him about our lack of sex life, he tries to avoid the conversation, or says it’s all I care about. I’ve tried telling him that it’s about the emotional connection between us rather than the physical. Usually he says that he doesn’t want to have sex with me, but tonight, something was different.

Maybe he doesn’t usually want to because my body has changed, or because my breasts are still full with milk, but I can’t change that because my breasts are still acting as my safety net for keeping him from taking Annie.

Whatever the reason for the change, it was so good to feel a connection with him again, instead of being refused and told that he’d rather sort himself out than have sex with me.

It’s these little moments of hope that I will cling to as this year ends. I hope there are a lot more of them next year.