I’m so angry with myself. Annie had me up so much on Sunday night, and last night even more so. I felt as if I had about two hours of sleep all night, so today I’ve been exhausted.

At half past eight tonight, I told Tom I was going up to bed. I got my book and settled down for a little bit of reading, hoping to fall asleep, nose in the book, cosy and comfy in my nice warm bed.

Tom came up at 9 pm and asked to put the TV on. I said yes, knowing full well I meant no. I tried to read, but I couldn’t with the noise in the background and Tom laughing, so I went to get up. Tom said he’d turn it off and read instead, but knowing that he loves the program he was watching, I said no.

I am now sitting downstairs, cold and really annoyed with myself. Why can’t I, and why don’t I put my needs first just for once, especially as he offered?

It’s not Tom’s fault; it’s mine for not being assertive enough. He’s just been down asking me to come back up, saying he’ll turn the TV off – I still said it was okay. But why is it okay? Why is it okay for me to put everyone else’s needs before my own? When and where did I learn that my needs should come last, or not at all?

Why did I start to believe that I don’t matter?