Dreaming

I am in a music room of a school. I am sitting with a group of people singing a song that is very familiar to me, less so to them. I take the manuscript to the piano and begin to play, but it doesn’t come as easily as it used to. I try for a few minutes and then stop. I am feeling overwhelmed by a cellist and a violinist on my left.

I go into the corridor; it is lunchtime. Rosie is in the corridor holding a lit piece of rolled-up paper. She is heading to the toilets to smoke a cigarette. Smoking is forbidden in school, but Rosie will get away with it in the toilet. I walk along the corridor to go to the toilet. There are three doors on my left, one of which is the toilet, but whereas I could see the sign from a distance, up close it’s unclear. I notice two men on my right watching me. I feel embarrassed, so instead of trying to work out which door is the toilet, I walk past them all and down a few steps on the left.

I am in a different area, another corridor but bigger, wider. There are tables of food; I first notice a whole range of freshly cooked green vegetables. I am impressed with the variety. There are Cornish pasties and a selection of meats; it all looks delicious.  I am unentitled to any of the food; it is there for the ‘proper’ pupils. I don’t want people to think I want the food, so I make a point of looking out of the large windows beyond the tables. I can see the school grounds, particularly circular grass shapes. I turn back and go up the stairs. This time I easily find the toilets and go in. Most of the pupils are messing around; they are younger, more immature than I am, but I know this is a second chance for me and I will take it seriously this time.