I got the results of a recent smear test this morning. They have found some abnormal cells on my cervix, so I have to go for a colposcopy – a more detailed examination of my cervix. I knew before I had the smear that this time it wouldn’t come back normal; I had a feeling. Most of the time when people have a colposcopy, everything is ok.

I’ve had low abdominal aches for a while; I bleed quite often after sex, and I will be surprised if it all comes back normal. Surprisingly, I feel very calm and matter-of-fact about it all.

I told Phil and Tom. I don’t feel the need to tell anyone else. There isn’t any need to. The only thing going on right now is abnormal cells, and that’s ok. A fifth of all smears come back with an abnormal result, most of which are fine.

Still, that slight niggle remains. Maybe I will be wrong about thinking there’s going to be more than this, and maybe my colposcopy will come back fine, too. The fact is, there’s not a great deal I can do about it either way.