I broached the subject of sex with Craig.

The combination of his flirting and taking those photos a few days ago has really got me thinking. I’ve been deprived of a sexual, intimate relationship for so long, and it’s always been something really important to me, so now that I’m single, why deprive myself any longer? Why not give it a go with a man who likes me for who I am, who has been nothing but respectful towards me, and one with whom I feel safe enough to allow to see another layer of me, even if that layer is naked.

I’m not actually as confident as I sound.

The thought of sharing my body with a man again – the possible rejection as well as the possible judgement and dislike of my body – is filling me with fear, much more than it’s filling me with excitement. I can’t help thinking that I just need to do it. To jump back on the horse, so to speak.

Craig was open to the idea, but as always, was respectful and said he couldn’t just go ahead and do it; that wasn’t his style. I felt rejected, despite his saying that it wasn’t the case.

Maybe I’m not as ready as I think I am.