Happy

My sister took some photographs of me. When I looked back at them, I was really pleased with what I saw. A smile, sparkly eyes and a general aura of happiness. I’m starting to feel happier than I have in a very long time, and it’s really starting to show. It’s a vast improvement on…

Sexual

Craig’s refusal to jump into bed with me knocked me, but I’m glad he did. It made me realise just how insecure I am still – about my body, about myself as a person, but mostly about myself as a sexual woman. It’s been so long since I’ve been sexual or even seen myself as…

Proposal

I broached the subject of sex with Craig. The combination of his flirting and taking those photos a few days ago has really got me thinking. I’ve been deprived of a sexual, intimate relationship for so long, and it’s always been something really important to me, so now that I’m single, why deprive myself any…

List

I decided to make a list tonight of all the reasons I will never get back together with Tom. I went through my diaries, listing everything out, and as I read through everything, more and more memories came back to the surface – things I had never written about but were obviously hurtful enough for…

Unwelcome

Dreaming I am in a fairly big tent; I live there with Tom & the children. It is the morning; I look outside. In the sky, I see a plane. I know that it is going to drop a bomb; I watch it, scared that it will drop over us. Suddenly the bomb drops, falling onto the city just north of us. I am scared that it will drop more, though. I think of all the lives that have been lost under the bomb and feel sad. I go and gather up Annie…

Boiling

Dreaming I am in what looks like a school hall; it is a big room with windows all along one side and a brown-framed door on the right-hand side (of the windows). I am going to have my photograph taken. Linda is the photographer. It is daytime. Linda has gone to a wardrobe on the left, the brown wardrobe that I used to have in Devon Street, and is holding up a turquoise cardigan she says I should wear for one of the photographs. I…

Reaquainting

There are many things that people might think are the worst things about the kind of relationship I’m in. Maybe they think it’s the shouting and screaming, or they may believe it’s the actual words that get said. They may see it as the manipulation that’s the hardest thing to bear, or the constant worry…

Missing

Amelia had an end-of-school leaving party tonight. Once she was all dressed and ready to leave, I took some photos of her. I then took a photo of Tom with her, and he took one of me with Amelia. I looked back at the photos later, and came across the one he took of me….

Tingle

Dreaming On my right thigh, I notice a lump forming. I look more closely and can see it looks like a nipple. I am growing a third nipple on my thigh. I go to the shower where Tom is to show him. It is bigger by now, and as I feel around it, I can…

2048

I actually had a good night’s sleep last night. Annie barely woke, and it made all the difference to how I feel today. I’ve been in a great mood all day, and Tom has noticed. He’s been warm and affectionate. When I took some photographs of Annie, Tom said we should have a photo together….

Ignite

Dreaming I pull into a car park and park my car. I am at a hospital; there are alarms going off and firemen everywhere. The hospital is on fire. I can’t see any flames, but I can see smoke. To my right, a Japanese man gets out of his car and takes four photographs of…

Real

I photographed myself again today. With no makeup. I never let people see me without my makeup on, but I took the photograph, and then I posted it on Facebook. I don’t really understand it, but I feel as though I want to strip away all the falseness and lies, and let people – and…

Overwhelming

Something’s going on. I feel different. I’m starting to see things differently and starting to see the truth of what’s really going on, but taking photographs is changing things too. After my self-portrait yesterday, I really felt like doing another one today. It’s very unlike me because I hate having my photograph taken, and I…

1705

Dreaming I am by an open wardrobe. There is a photo frame with a black-and-white photograph in it. The photograph is of a Victorian-looking woman. I know the photo and frame belong to previous residents of the house. I take the back off the frame to take the photo out and find a piece of…

Family

Dreaming I am at a family get-together; it is summer, and the feeling is very relaxed. I am inside taking photographs. I decide to take some of the people outside as the light would produce a better photo. Outside are Grandad, Justin, Dean, and some others. I sit on a picnic bench next to Justin. Ants are…

Framed

In October, I took the children to the beach and took loads of photos that I wanted to display in some way. While decluttering the other day, I found a photo frame; it was bright red, which I didn’t like, so today I chose and printed off the photos I wanted, and then covered the…

Precious

The girls had an inset day at school, and Josh had no college, so as the weather was unseasonably warm and sunny, we drove to the beach. We spent a couple of hours making sandcastles, paddling, stone-throwing, playing at being sand angels, being buried in the sand, racing along the beach, and getting wet and…