It was Annie’s sports day today. I did a lot less watching the sport than I did talking to Tom.

I wanted to be close to him, wanted to be with him. I am still so in love with him. He was happy, laughing, fun. He was the Tom I fell in love with almost ten years ago.

I miss him so much.

I wish I could turn back time and correct all my mistakes. I wish I could tell him how much I love him, what he means to me, and that I will never stop loving him. That I will love him until the moment I take my last breath and then beyond that.

Tonight Tom went to the pub. I love it when he does, which is rare nowadays, because when he does, he texts me all night long. I read so much into this. I don’t know if he does too. I wish he’d tell me he loves me, misses me, wants me back. I wish for that so much. I don’t even want to contemplate that it may not even be true for him when it’s all so true for me. I want to tell him how I feel, but I’m so scared. Scared of making a fool of myself, scared of his reaction, scared of his rejection. Most of all, I’m scared I will take these feelings, unexpressed, to my grave. Equally as bad is knowing that one day, he may feel the way I feel about someone else. That is unthinkable. That would destroy me.