I booked tickets to take the children to the Harry Potter Studio Tour for Rosie’s upcoming birthday. Annie and I haven’t even seen the films, so tonight we started with the first one. Of course, I can’t just watch and enjoy; I had to start thinking, philosophising and questioning. I think my philosophical nature is…
Tag: Struggle
Struck
At today’s counselling session, I really wanted to talk about Phil, relationships, lack of work and direction, but the counsellor wanted to continue what we’d started with Mum last time, so we chatted about that the whole time. I’m glad we did. She said she’s seen people before whose childhoods haven’t been as bad as…
Barbaric
While dropping Annie at Tom’s today, Tom and I had a conversation about his ex-girlfriend. He said he doesn’t know what he was ever doing with her – looks-wise. I said that I was surprised he was saying that, given how he’d been so quick to criticise my relationship with Phil based on Tom’s perception…
Balanced
2013 was one of my most challenging years to date, with Rosie’s operation, her extended and very worrying time in intensive care and her month-long recovery, followed soon after by Amelia being diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and spending what seemed like half the year sleeping. That has put added pressure on her at school in…
Resistance
I’m having a big lesson in letting go today. For the last three years, I have held on to bags and bags of stuff that we no longer use or want to put on eBay and get some money for, supposedly, but the trouble with that is I hate eBay. I hate the time it…
Losing
Dreaming Tom has a large spider on his hand; he is putting it near my face. I scream, “Don’t show me, don’t show me.” Responding I woke in a panic. Breathless and absolutely petrified, I retreated under my quilt to try to hide from the dream. Spiders represent my biggest fear, so to me, this…
Away
I’m really struggling to comprehend why this has happened now, but for the last eight days, I’ve really been struggling. I’ve been having mild panic attacks every time I go out. I’ve found myself standing in supermarkets, suddenly shaking and breathless, with an overwhelming feeling of panic and the need to get out of there…
Source
Dreaming I am at the house of a woman; I may be moving to her house. She appears to be well dressed, well spoken, not posh but has an air about her. Her house has the feeling of a lot of white and gold, although I don’t actually ‘see’ the colours. While talking to her, I realise that I am parked in the car park and haven’t bought a ticket. I go outside, and a man tells me not to bother as it’s almost the time when…
Struggling
I’m really struggling at the moment. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m a single parent or if there’s more to it than that, but everything is getting on top of me. I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I’m letting my children down; we never have enough money for the things we need,…
Shatter
My heart feels as though it’s about to shatter with the pain of losing Maxine. I turned to Tom during my darkest hour, but he isn’t even attempting to understand my grief or what I’m going through. It’s all about him and his needs; all he cares about is himself. He didn’t even offer me…
Arms
Annie has been quite an unsettled baby so far. She wants to be in my arms, feeding or cuddling constantly. I’m barely able to get anything else done without her crying. While I love the bond that we have, I’m struggling with not being able to cook a dinner or spend time with the other…
Bunking
Dreaming I am in school with Sarah; it is first school, and we are singing nursery rhymes. I am bored as I know them already. At break time, Sarah and I leave the school and start walking down a very steep hill. I am struggling to carry a suitcase/fridge down with me. I realise it…