I missed Phil so much all day today.

I longed to see him, snuggle in his arms, and just talk. I decided to book something as a belated birthday present for him – a night away. I decided on a date, but when I spoke to him, he said he had plans on that day. I immediately found myself withdrawing from him. That familiar feeling of not wanting him or not loving him returned, and all it took was him not being available when I wanted him to be, even though he knew nothing about it.

I felt that he was rejecting me and choosing something else over me, even though he couldn’t possibly be doing that. I started to shut down, turn my back on him and on what I feel for him.

I think I caught it in time this time.

There is still a little bit remaining, and I must keep that in check. I don’t want to lose this feeling again. I hate this. I hate being broken, and I hate that my brokenness then serves to break what I feel for Phil.