Up until Phil messaging me a few days ago, I hadn’t missed him at all; now I’m finding myself craving his love again.

I really miss the deep unconditional love that he never fails to give me, no matter what. Having spent a bit more time in Tom’s company than usual because of stuff with Annie, I’m craving Phil’s love tenfold. Tom is so unhealthy, whereas Phil’s love is, I think, very healthy, on the whole.

I’m not going to react to it this time, though. I am not going to arrange to see him or tell him I love him. I’m just going to sit here, crave his love and face the pain that comes from not having it, because if I go back yet again, I know that within a couple of weeks or months it’ll all get too much for me again, and I’ll be back to where I’ve been so many times.