One of my fondest childhood memories is from when I was about six or seven. I was in Mrs Peters’ class at school; a teacher who was warm, fun, exciting, loving – everything Mum lacked at that time. I loved Mrs Peters with a passion. I loved her wild, wavy red hair, and most of…
Tag: Excitement
Synchronicities
I’ve had a lot of indecision over the last year or two about my career, partly because of not feeling good enough – which I’m ignoring even if it still tries to remind me. Partly it was also because there are so many things I love doing – that I want to do and that…
Exhilarated
Dreaming I am in a show with four black men; above us is a pole. My role in the show is to hang upside down from the pole. It is an amazing feat, and the audience is impressed. I am in a room. I’m thinking about doing the trick again; this time there is no…
Half
If ever I needed an answer to my many questions, it is now. If ever there is such a thing as Divine Timing, it is in this moment. My dilemma with Phil. My challenging year. My stresses and my ever-changing mind. Last night on Facebook, Theo popped up. It’s not the first time this has…
Directions
Susie and I had lunch together, and I had a surreal moment of realisation. Firstly, Susie and I have lost the connection we had. Whereas we used to spend hours together most days, and then still ring each other up later to talk more, today we sat for ninety minutes and soon ran out of…
Observation
Annie received a butterfly observatory for her birthday recently. The caterpillars arrived a couple of days ago, and we’ve been watching them grow, excitedly anticipating the chrysalis stage and then their emergence. I feel like I have begun my development into my chrysalis stage of life too. Realising the career direction I want to go…
Ours
I’ve spent the last week or so looking at houses, but it’s not been the easiest job.
Sacrifice
I meditated tonight for the first time in many years. I allowed myself to sink deeply into the meditation. At first, I saw flashes of purple and an eye. More purple followed before I felt the warm orange glow around me and my spirit guides around me. My guide, in this instance, was an old…
Runners
Dreaming It is morning; I have just woken. Greg/Tom (Greg is more prominent) is in bed next to me.
Life
I feel as though I am pregnant with a new life that’s growing from within. It kicks and shifts constantly to remind me of its imminent arrival. I sense it’s the birth of a long, slow process of growth and self-discovery that I know will change me beyond all recognition. I’m scared; I don’t know…
Choice
Dreaming I am looking through a pile of catalogues, feeling excited by the choices and the chance to buy what I want now that I can. One of the catalogues is unusual in that it is a book of crossdressers with big hands. Tom is with me as I am looking through them. Responding I’m guessing this is about my identity. About how my new life, when I leave Tom, will give me a chance to…
Eve
One of my favourite days of the year is Christmas Eve. For the past few years, my entire family has got together for a Christmas dinner at a restaurant. This year was a little quieter and less hectic than usual as not everyone could make it, but it was still lovely. The only downside to…
Holiday
We’ve just returned from a visit to Tom’s family, and I hated every minute of it.
Cinema
Tom actually agreed to go out with me tonight, just me and him. Whenever I’ve asked him before, he’s refused to go because he doesn’t want to leave Annie with babysitters or because he thinks he’d be bored with just my company. I was so excited when he agreed, and I allowed myself to imagine…
Poem
Dreaming I am up high above the ground, either flying in some way or being shown the view below. (It reminds me of a scene from Harry Potter where Harry flies around on a broomstick during a game of Quidditch.) I can see all around the coast and recognise a cove I’ve always wanted to visit. I remember that recently, someone got hurt jumping from there; I can see why, it’s not tall enough to jump from. I’m in some…