Two days ago, not long after waking, I lay in bed daydreaming about something or other when, suddenly, as clear as day, the words ‘Less than a year to live’ popped into my head.

Two days later, I find myself thinking about how we would live our lives differently if we always knew how many days we were going to live for. What we would do differently, how we would feel, love and be if from birth we knew how many days we had left. Would it be a good thing or a bad thing?

I wondered just how differently our lives would be. I imagine if we knew we were going to live to an old age, we’d live with a lot less fear. If our parents lived with less fear. If, as mothers, we’d let go and just really enjoy our children, unless, of course, we knew our children would die young.

Thinking all of this reminded me again of the words I heard, and now I’m wondering why such thoughts are entering my mind. Am I being prepared for my impending death? Am I to die well before I am ready? Was it a warning of someone else’s death in less than a year?

These thoughts are not frightening to me, but they do leave me a little sad in case there is any truth, because the fact is I most certainly am not ready to go, not for a very long time. Ideally, I’d live to be in my eighties; at least that’s my plan.

The biggest sadness, in fact, a fear would be about leaving my precious children. Whose care would I leave them in, because there is no one in my life who would raise them the way I do, the way I want them to continue to be raised.

I pride myself on my parenting skills; I believe it to be my greatest achievement. I’m not embarrassed to say that I think I’m a good mum. Whether my kids agree or not, I don’t know, but I hope so.

This may not be something I even need to think about, but I wonder – out of a sense of true parental responsibility, which is so important to me – if I should go about looking for someone to take over my role, just in case. As far as I’m concerned, I’m here to keep guiding and supporting all four of my children, not just now but way into their adult lives. I’m here to see grandchildren, hopefully even great-grandchildren, and I’m here to experience all that life has to offer. Life, not death. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. Not now, and not in less than a year.

Hopefully the words I heard and the thoughts from this morning are all just to serve a higher purpose of helping me to live a fuller life. A life with even more meaning and depth. A life where every single day counts.