After a year of deliberation and just not really knowing what I should do with my life or even what I want to do, I’m so glad that I’ve finally decided to train as a life coach.

I want a career that enables me to:

• Work with people.
• Work in a way that I can empower people to believe in themselves.
• Work in a way where I am not restricted by others’ rules and regulations.
• Be able to combine all the skills that I currently possess and use them in one career.

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks looking into courses.

At one point, I spoke to a friend of a friend who is a life coach. Unfortunately, she was quite negative about it. She said there are lots of life coaches already, and that it’s hard to get work.

Despite that, I looked at a course that was recommended to me – a distance learning course. When I opened the link to the course prospectus, a butterfly emerged. I wondered if it was a sign.

When I decided to train as a life coach, it was the day our caterpillars arrived, so to see a butterfly felt very relevant. After reading through the course modules and emailing the tutor to ask a few questions, I clicked onto my Facebook, and Rebecca had written a status about when she goes to the same place that the course originates. I took this as another sign that this is the right course for me.

The course is co-written by one of the top life coaches in this country, so I have every faith that it will be a good course. Tonight I downloaded her book and started reading. She coaches in exactly the way I envisage myself coaching. So my decision is made. I’ll be booking myself to start the course in September when the kids go back to school.

In the meantime, I plan to read the book, work through it myself and start coaching myself for those times when the doubts set in and I need something to give me support.

The book contains exercises to complete as part of your learning journal; I’m going to do these here so I can reflect on them.

So today’s exercise is to write down five things I’ve always wanted to do but haven’t got around to so far, or have dismissed as impossible. My list:

1. I’ve always wanted to be married and have a very happy and contented marriage with a man that I love very much and loves me equally in return, to grow old with, grow and evolve with and be every conceivable part of a husband and wife, as possible.

2. I’ve always wanted to own my own home. To have a place to be proud of and call my own and know it is mine to do exactly as I wish. To create a really beautiful, cosy, loving home where all are welcome, where the kids are happy and where we can live a peaceful, happy life together.

3. I’ve always wanted to have more money and to have a good relationship with money. I don’t mean filthy rich, but to be earning my own money, enough to pay all expenses and allow us to have some luxuries. To be able to say, I earned this; I can buy my own stuff. To be self-sufficient and not have to rely on government benefits to top up my earnings.

4. I’ve always wanted to have the confidence to be myself around people, especially those closest to me. To be able to sing and dance, to be silly, to have fun. To allow the real me to shine. Actually, not just with the closest to me, but with everyone. I want to feel safe enough to be me.

5. I’ve always wanted to do something that empowers people, challenges them, helps them to believe in themselves, helps them become the very best they can be and more.

Now I have to write two reasons for each point why I haven’t managed it so far:

1a. I haven’t managed to have a happy marriage because I settled too quickly for the wrong man, the type of man who wasn’t able to give me what I needed. I was impatient and not looking into myself enough to see that it was my dream I wanted more than the man playing the part in my dream.
b. The other reason is that I haven’t been open to it. I have been hostile at times and unwilling to work on creating a positive marriage-type partnership. I haven’t allowed myself the time to get to know a man and work out if he is the kind of man that can fulfil my needs, instead jumping in and then finding out he can’t.

2a. I haven’t owned my own home because I’ve never earned enough money to do so. I’ve prioritised my role as the children’s mum over having a profitable career.
b. I’ve never believed it possible for me to own my own home. That’s what other people do. I have allowed myself to believe I am stuck renting forever and will always be in this situation.

3a. I’ve never believed I am good enough or capable enough to be earning good money. I don’t believe I have any qualifications or skills anyone would want and that I just wouldn’t make it.
b. I believe that for every idea I come up with, there would be too many other people doing the same thing, and that they would all be better than me; therefore, I will never have any customers/clients.

4a. I haven’t done this yet because I think people won’t like the real me. They will laugh at me, tell me I’m bad at it, and will make me feel bad about myself.
b. I simply don’t have the confidence to just let myself go and be me. I am too scared.

5a. I didn’t know how to go about it. I didn’t know which career would take me in that direction.
b. I thought that I might say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, or make a situation worse and that I’d be no good at it.

Now make a list of five ways in which your life would be different if you used this book to transform the way you see yourself.

1. I’d believe in myself
2. I’d be more confident.
3. I’d be running my own business, empowering people.
4. I’d be myself all of the time in front of everyone, and people will like me more for it.
5. I’d be happy and content as well as fulfilled on many levels.