I woke up in a bad mood because of Phil taking over the decision-making. I was tired and grumpy, which was made worse when I received a phone call from a place I went for a job interview yesterday; I hadn’t got the job. Later, someone broke into our garden and stole Josh’s bike, and Rosie came home from school with a headache and swollen lymph glands.

Tonight, I met with my friend Karen, told her about my day – the lack of a job and lack of money – and she said that she thinks I have something much bigger coming up and that a catering assistant would not be right because I can do so much better than that.

Dare I agree with her?

Usually, I hide it from everyone, and from myself, but I feel the same way. I constantly feel as though I’m on a precipice, about to fall, maybe to leap; I don’t know which. I don’t want to take any old job that comes my way. I do feel as though I can do better than that, but then as soon as I think that thought, the next one comes in, the one that says, “Who do you think you are? You need to eat some humble pie, start at the bottom, work your way up. You’re not good enough for anything else; you’ve got above yourself“

But do I dare to push those thoughts away, and do I dare to allow myself to dream?

I do feel as though I can do better than that, that I don’t have to settle for any old job because maybe I am destined for bigger and better things. I just still don’t know what, and it’s so frustrating.